G. I Joe

G I Joe is exactly the film you'd expect. Its utterly terrible yet fun because its so bad, so utterly without merit, like a fat seagal film with a mega-budget. From the director of Van Helsing.

What's interesting is the slumming actors. There's the usual awful leads, this time unknown but are still terrible. But this was the film that many a decent or known actor figured, it'll be woeful but the part's small (or minor so you're in the shadows for months) so will pay well, as its a megabudget film and Michael Bay isn't directing. So you have Adebesi from Oz slinking in the background, a guy from loads of indies like Three Kings doing the same. Seinna Miller is in it and is one of the best "performances" in the film, as she knows she in a really, really stupid film and plays along, camping it up.

Best of all are the villains. We have Joseph Gordon Levitt (from Myserious Skin) as a freaky scientist up to no good and Christopher Eccleston as an arms dealing scumbag who figures it'll be fun to kill everyone for no real good reason. Now these two obviously read the script and are going all Olivier-ham excessive in their total lack of commitment (or even basic professional courtesy) and should have gotten centre stage because the movie they're in is a lot better than the one we're watching for 90 percent of the time. Levitt wanders around like a man who has escaped from a Marlon Brando acting class and is trying to out-do the master, with a penchant for kidnapping his sister and turning her into a sociopathic whore who wants to destroy paris. He has a gas mask the entire film, that's all I'm saying. Eccleston has the most excessive Scottish accent in history (He did a good one in Shallow Grave so we know he can do it properly) that's a total parody in itself, the accent so insane you know that it's intentional, seeing what he can get away with and get paid, who's leeching on Sienna Miller like a serial rapist, having a thug kill any man that even touches her. (The only bit of sicko acting in the film is Eccleston interacting with Miller. He's obviously thinking things you can't do in a film called GI Joe while slumming in a untoward manner.) Its a shame late-era Brando or Orson Welles are dead because with them and with these two crazy bits of acting in the film, and a script as nuts and as bad as gi joe would make cinematic bad movie nirvana. I think most of the goodwill this film gets from viewers is because its villains are so obviously dismissive of the film that its wonderful. I just hope Werner Herzog sees this one and puts Eccleston and Levitt two together in a film set in a strange country. I think this has to happen.

So while being a truly awful film it has its moments. So its a must see in a strange sort of way.